Poet Lost

The Ashes brought home the realization that test cricket is the greatest sport in the world. Too bad Bangladesh and Zimbabwe have to go ahead and spoil it.

By: Theena Kumaragurunathan

Yesterday, Sri Lanka completed a two-nil series win against Bangladesh while India did the same against Zimbabwe. The ‘test series’ - and I use the term loosely – between Sri Lanka and Zimbabwe lasted all but four days and two sessions in total; Irfan Pathan, playing for India against Zimbabwe, got the man of series award for his haul of 21 wickets – in two matches.

Were these contests of incompetent Davids against Golaiths really necessary? The captains of India and Sri Lanka seem to think so. Sri Lankan captain, Marvan Attapathu has repeatedly said that he has the highest respect for his opposition. Likewise, Saurav Ganguly, his counterpart in the Indian side, has gone on record saying that the minnow nations need more time.

More time? You have to wonder if this diplomacy at work or if they are so naïve as to believe what they are saying. Consider the fact that Bangladesh – Habibul Bashar and Mohammad Ashraful aside - is nothing more than a bunch of club cricketers who would struggle to get into any domestic team of most countries. Consider the fact that the team representing Zimbabwe is not really the best team out there - Mugabe’s cronies in the Zimbabwe Cricket Union (ZCU) did a wonderful job of throwing them out for reasons ranging from political to financial. While you are at it, consider the figures provided by S Rajesh from Cricinfo on the glorious art of minnow-bashing.

Sri Lanka’s test schedule is, for reasons unknown to all except the ICC, heavily in favour of playing against these minnows. Since 2002, they’ve played 34 tests, eight of which were against one of the two minnows – a percentage of 23.53%; one in four matches. On the opposite end of the spectrum lies Australia: since 2002, they’ve played 46 test matches, four of which were against the minnows – a percentage of 8.70%; one in 11 matches.

And here in Sri Lanka, we wonder why attendances at test matches resemble the legendary screenings of Jennifer Lopez / Ben Affleck flick ‘Gigli’?

The ICC has argued on several occasions that their vision is to globalize – the cliché of our time – the game. Now that is all and well and good. Four years ago, it was perhaps the naivety – hindsight suggest that it was plain stupidity instead - of youth that made me believe that cricket could become a global sport: we’d have our own Manchester United; a World Cup that would have the entire world enthralled; a David Beckham-type cricketer-celebrity-nutjob-cultural icon, who would get married to……..

Perish the thought.

The ICC’s vision and experiment, opening the doors to new comers into the closed world of test cricket will damage cricket. It is that simple. The effects are already visible: mention Zimbabwe and Bangladesh as opponents for the next match – or God forbid, an entire series– and you are guaranteed to get groans from cricket lovers all over the world.

Can you blame us? Should we muster interest in gruesome contests where one team keeps pummelling the other over and over again, until you start hoping for an upset? To let go of our loyalties in the hope that the underdog – a term that seems more appropriate – sends one unexpected upper-hook to floor our team? You must be mad.

My days of blasphemous thoughts, of cricket becoming hip, are behind me. Cricket, and test cricket in particular, is not meant for the world as a whole. It is for those of us who prefer to watch drama unfold over the course of five days, where the lines separating courage and skill become increasingly blurred, where substance and style go hand in hand, where ninety minutes means only three quarters of one session – not the entire game.

It is not for the world. If the world wants it, then have them prove that they can withstand five days of pressure and drama of the highest degree. Else have them flee to the pyjama parades of one day cricket and 20/20.

Don’t make test cricket a Gigli.